just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
