ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
