how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
