I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
