He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
