I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
