I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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