dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize