so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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