Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
