New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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