I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
