Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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