do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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