The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
