your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
