I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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