but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
