Are we in a gay sports bar?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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