wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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