I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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