Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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