can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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