not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize