I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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