Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize