I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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