Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
