Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
