Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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