He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
