Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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