I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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