I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
