What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
