I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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