Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
