Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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