conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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