Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize