I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
