Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My bed smells like the plague
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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