I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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