Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
