Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
