I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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