Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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