i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
