just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
