My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
