dude i'm inner monologue high
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize