Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
40s are totally the cure
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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