its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
