Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
