Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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