I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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