I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
