Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
