Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
