my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
