Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
