i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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