those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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