mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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