i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
