I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
