so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
