It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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