worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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